More Passion Spent

Papa and I chuckled knowlingly during "All Passion Spent" at the 85 year old heroine's statement about how annoying it is to have someone else exerting his/her will upon us, especially at this age when we have had a lifetime of experience in which to develop our own will. Annoying is the perfect word, because it implies a somewhat benign stimulus which irritates, but one to which we have no intention of yielding.

That was the chuckle, but here is the problem. We still have wills, and we still do try to exert them on each other. The problem is that whatever methods we use to do this, we really do to ourselves as well. Do we become barking seals? Do we manipulate with disparagement? Do we manipulate with grumpiness and abrasiveness? We are like puppies being cage trained- learning not to poop in the cage, because to do so is to poop on ourselves

The hardest thing in marriage (in my experience) has been the ongoing process of learning not to poop in the cage while melding two wills into one functional spiritual and operational unit. Doing this is delicate work, because each has a purpose and a destiny completely separate from the other even while we are one in the world and in the spirit.

I am motivated to write about this because my son is at the (recurring) turning point in marriage where one becomes aware of estrangement and loneliness, and then one seeks ways to resolve it without pooping in the cage. It really boils down to taking personal responsibility for creating the emotional environment you want to have in your home. Continue blaming and continue suffering, or roll up your sleeves and get to work on yourself. Those are pretty much the choices.

These are the passions spent, no doubt. I am still warmed and amused by the characters in the story, who are harvesting the lifetime of these kinds of experiences, for better or worse. Papa and I are getting to that place too, after 32 years.