T-Shirt Fun

Had a very fun time today at the t-shirt silk screen store (OK, maybe my experience was a little enhanced by the pervasive smell of ink solvent, since they were cleaning the screens). I was there designing and ordering the t-shirts for our upcoming first-ever off-shore all-family playdate and talent show in Hawaii.

Submersed in family reunion culture for a few hours, I learned about all the stuff one can buy to celebrate family reunions. Why was I so willing to enjoy that submersion (aside from the volatiles in the air)? Just because this is exactly the band-aid we (I) need for the cultural wound of family fragmentation and isolation.

This (the reunions), and blogs, and cell phones, and i-chats, and text messages. They aren't quite hugs when you need them, but they will do in a pinch, and a t-shirt to remember them by is not a bad thing.

The Monk Wakes Up By Sleeping More

Am strugging to adhere to a disciplined sleep hygiene regimen. This is an attempt to create a better "sleep karma." In other words I am trying to condition my insomniac body out of its lifetime pattern of being a night owl, which results in not having enough of the awake day. Have created an extremely low stimulus zendo bedroom in which nothing but sleep occurs, changed the furnishings to remove old cues, gotten a new firm bed to support my cranky back, no clock visible, no pictures, nada.

Have also cleared my body of all but the three most essential medications in hopes of awakening my fogged mind. It is all working very well, except tonight when I have fallen off the wagon as I blog here in my bed-do.

What conditioned this? More energy to do more things during the day led to temptation to get too busy and then too wired up to drop into the bed. AND did not get my hour and a half of active work in the sun. OK, well that's how it works. It is what it is.

Not Mu But Ewe (Click Pic to See Baby)

I visited a small farm today to attend a felting workshop. The owner raises the animals, harvests the wool, spins the yarn, felts the wool, and creates many items. It was just great to be surrounded by all of the personable animals who had donated their wool for my felting work.

If you'd like to meet some of the animals, check out http://uniquedesignsbykathy.blogspot.com, and http://uniquedesignsbykathy.com. If I had a whole lifetime ahead of me (or some kids who were interested in taking it on), I would be seriously considering this as a lifestyle.

If you stop by the websites, take lots of time and enlarge the pictures of the animals! There are some small but very charming things there (and no myths).

The Life Cycle of Myths

My friend, an animal rescuer, sent me this picture in a forward that has probably made it to millions via the internet. A tiger nurtures a porcine brood, dressed up as little tigers. The initial impact of the picture is poignant and endearing. Ostensibly it is a tiger bereft of her own kits, and fostering the piglets. That was the story that accompanied the photo.

I tried to forward it but couldn't, so surfed for a downloadable version of the picture. In the process, I found any number of "Urban Myth Busters" setting the story straight (resulting in even more stories). I, too, could have asked myself why they would need to dress up the little piggers, since I know that felines identify their young mostly by smell. But I didn't.

Like the brooms of Fantasia, the myth busted, alright, and then turned into a whole bunch of other similar myths. This is the life cycle of myths.

There is instant welcome into our psyches for a story of an animal mothering what might have been its dinner; for an animal grieving and needing to nurture; for the story of little piglets (possibly motherless) who are happy for any warm belly in a storm. We all "get it."

So why did the story (myth) need busting? How is the illusion of a busted myth better than the illusion of cross-species mothering? This is not a rhetorical question, but a sincere one. I am asking it of myself, since I was irritated by the need of so many to debunk the picture AND by my own disappointment that the story was just that- a story.

PICK ONE (or add one)
c A lie is as good as the truth if you can get somebody to believe it.
c A myth expresses in concrete terms a radical truth which is discernible experientially, but not necessarily empirically.

Zazenkai, and Roshi's Birthday

Roshi's teaching today at Zazenkai recounted stories from earlier Buddhist masters. The teisho was hard to comprehend. The stories recounted in the teisho were hard to comprehend. They were stories of incomprehensible stories. Many layers of mystery.

Roshi spoke first of faith- faith that is, in the existence of meaning to be glimmered from the stories and practices of Zen. Faith, I conclude, that would carry one past the futility of understanding anything quickly or as the result of someone else's pronouncement. This is a faith that upholds one through doubt.

So that is two of the three- faith, doubt, and perseverance. Perseverance is what one provides by being there week after week. The monks in Roshi's story persevere year after year, generation after generation, trying to understand the mystery, trying to penetrate the silence. This, with very few clues.

I experienced tears of joy today when Roshi appeared in the zendo this morning. He is evidence of centuries of perseverance. He represents the perseverance of both the Zen masters who precede him in his lineage, and the Catholic priestly lineage which began at the resurrection of Christ. These lineages persist in the face of endless human doubt. Despite whatever doubts he himself carries, Roshi is still there after his many decades of practice.

In this, his silent presence alone, I find much inspiration. The words of the teisho, are as frosting on the cake.

Back to Sitting; Back to Blogging

Computer out of commission for a week or so. I did more work, less blogging. Which did I like better. Hmmm, each has its plusses, but I must admit to making great strides in decluttering my living and working spaces.

So glad to be back to sitting and regular dokusan, both lend clarity.

Responding to the Call

Am processing the call to silent meditation. Not the meditation itself, but the call to do it. Like the gardening monk in Merton's story, I keep finding my way to meditation. It finds me, is actually how it works. Realizing what a blessing the Redemptorist Center is in this regard, I have wanted to join in the work it does.

Now I will be able to do this, for I have asked to volunteer there and will be given the opportunity to do so this year. I will wash dishes on large retreats, and will staff the front desk on Saturdays when needed. There may even be a chance to contribute to the retreats by offering something in the art room. I am very, very pleased with this opportunity.

Gone to the Desert

Gone to the desert for retreat and renewal with spouse. Back in several days.

Discerning the Call

Am experiencing continuing unease with the use of the word Zen. This word, like the word "Christian," means everything and nothing. The point of most "religious" practice is to turn away from the things of the world, but as soon as the religion gets an identity, it becomes a thing of the world. Maybe I was called to write this blog in order to put that word to death in my mind.

I have great faith that my task is to discern the call, then act upon it. The perfect example: Mother Teresa. We now learn that she didn't believe the religious doctrines. She was tortured by that, but somehow she did discern her call, and act upon it. It does not always produce a peaceful state, however, despite soothsaying claims to the contrary.

Blessed Silence

Adjacent to the zendo at the Pathless Path, there are six or eight small single sleeping rooms where one could stay while having a personal silent meditation retreat. I have appreciated fully my four day retreats with a group. The idea of a true solitary silent retreat, however, is daunting. Yet, beckoning.

Thomas Merton writes so articulately about this kind of solitude. To me it seems like a big dark cave. There is both attraction and aversion in that image. The group retreats are a physical challenge (think tri-athalon for one like me who has such trouble sitting). That alone, plus the intensity of interviews with the spiritual director keep the experience lively.

In the solitary retreat, however, I imagine the demons to be restlessness and boredom, which feel to me like that almost irrepressible urge to flee that occurs when one enters and advances into an unknown dark place.

Yet, I am called to the blessed silence, and the solitude of a small sleeping room near the zendo.

Public Sitting

Grace abounds! Pathless Path at the Redemptorist Renewal Center now holds "public sittings," a meditation session at its zendo. It was wonderful to experience the rituals again, and sit in the zendo for an hour and a half at the end of the day. Better still to have it at the glorious setting of the Renewal Center. These are expressions of attachment- not very zen.

The Zendo of Art

I have been aware for some time that spiritual pursuits by their very nature move in the direction of the not, the naught, the shadow, the mystery- everything that isn't, at the moment.

In a vengeful culture, religion of love arises. In a glutted culture, religion of ....

News flash! There is a family of baby rabbits drinking heartily from the irrigation leak in our back yard (it is true, as I write). That is wonderful religion for today. I am headed off to the zendo of art to make tiny horses and cow skulls (mu) out of clay. I have no purpose in mind for these, but one will arise, it always does.

What is the google Zen?

When I google "Zen," I get a lot of links to some kind of commercial internet or software sites. What is this? What is the connection between the idea of Zen and the software?

I do get the connection in popular culture to Zen as referencing Asian style in decorating, another popular result, even though Zen is not a furniture style.

The internet puts out so much information overload that maybe it is painful to have physical clutter to manage on top of that, so lean and spare (and maybe not technological) seems attractive (as discussed earlier in this blog). "Zen" references both Asian style, and lean and spare. But what does it cue that relates to software or the internet? I plead ignorance.

Push Button Here to Change Someone Else

The best art image of the day: "Push button here to change someone else." A humorous piece that captured a huge thought.

The thought: What if I stopped pushing any buttons that were designed to change someone else? (spouse, kids, siblings, friends). What if instead, I just took a whole week (maybe even month) in which to consciously refrain from pushing the "change someone else" buttons. You know, just see what happens.

Now there is an "Aha!" It came in the same package as the art experience I relate in the next post. Very great weekend!!!!

Empty Mind

In Lana's workshop, we are working on boxes, selecting themes or images that are meaningful to us. I used to love to do this kind of work. There was so much pent up in me- everything internal that was being plowed under by the daily imperatives of child rearing, landholding, breadwinning.

Being asked to do this for the first time in a long time, I find no such imagery to work out any more. It has all been gotten out for now. Instead, it was fully engaging to make works of art for my children, employing images that reflect some aspect of their lives that they have shared with me, or that I perceive.

I have not done this before, make intentional art for my children. Have been hesitant, worried perhaps that either they would find it invasive, or worse, simply not care. I have decided to become more fearless in this regard. It was quite a freeing experience in the studio, very engaging. Glorious.

Pause Now

"Pause Now," was the best phrase I heard today to put on a piece of clay art. Lana's workshop is everything I expected and much more. It is the kind of workshop where you feel like you got your money's worth by 10:30 a.m. of the first day.

I was ecstatic today to be able to make a series of small tiles with her signature hand imprints. Now I can go on and try some complex boxes, complete with doors and drawers. A good night of sleep is in order- I'm fried. We'll be back at it tomorrow. Pause now.

Enough wanking about art

OK, well I end this day done with all the wanking about illusions. My days' journey took me to many answers, as always, and I am up to my elbows in clay from preparing work to take to the workshop, so my mind is very clear.

Had the best laugh of the week with my ex-hippie art buddy (also zen@60). We were drooling over some inspirational art books, and I had forgotten my glasses, so we had to pass her glasses back and forth so we could both enjoy the pictures. The laugh had to do with what we used to pass back and forth when looking at art pictures. Now it is our glasses!!!!

Deconstructing the artists experience

I didn't quite get the whole thought together about art and illusion in yesterday's diary. The problem is this: While I am in the experience of doing the art (handling the materials) it is a very zen experience. One of complete absorption in the moment: the sensual. But before, and especially after that, it all devolves into illusion.

I had made a series of watery blue and green pottery that was pure inspiration from the Puget Sound shoreline. In studio, it was an altogether no-mind activity. But then these items were juried into a higher-end art show on a picturesque marina, to be part of a booth shared by members of my co-op.

Half way through the show, I found myself wandering along the facades of the trendy shops adjacent, feeling almost nauseated by the airy illusion I was in. I felt very peculiar selling those pieces, knowing that for the most part, they were being purchased as a memory of the illusion (the theater) created by that show in its picturesque setting.

That's the dilemma. The no-mind creativity does not cause suffering; the world of trading in art is fraught with the suffering created by seeking illusions.

"Don't be fooled by anything!" "OK, I won't be fooled"

Besides calling himself ("Are you there?" "Yes, I am here!"), Master Reon also calls out to himself, "Don't be fooled by anything!" and then replies, "OK, I won't be fooled." This is Master Reon's reminder to himself not to succumb to illusions, says Norm Fischer in his Zencast teisho.

Illusions are a troublesome entity for an artist wishing not to be fooled by anything. Illusions (or allusions) are mostly what we deal in. I struggle with this when I am carried away by some image or object that I might want to render in clay or fiber. But the deliciousness of some creativity is almost irresistible. I will be attending a world famous potter's (Lana Wilson) workshop this weekend. Lana makes some of the most evocative clay art around. I will have much to contemplate, and I am not entirely sure I will want to remind myself not to be fooled by anything. I may just go against Master Reon's admonition and allow myself to be seduced.