Inescapable Angst

We looked into the planned community with the world's seemingly biggest fitness center. It is near one of our children- a good investment on several counts, we thought. To have a house there might prevent the emergency move we had to make when my elderly parents both failed at once.

Wellstone is a community built around the golf course, the fitness center, and a wellness clinic founded by Dr. Kenneth Cooper. Already I was buying into the illusion when we drove in. I have lived long enough to be in that state where health is both a daily concern and a frequent hindrance.

The precise demographic to which these highly priced homes are targeted is obvious. It is the senior manager- still working but soon to retire. It is the dream and illusion of eternal youth and activity through radiant health and endless golf. Not an entirely bad dream, but for me, an empty one.

That's when we changed our focus onto the neighborhood of starter homes. There my illusion was one of less pretention to manage, and more involvement with simpler things in life. And what would those simpler things be? Shopping at Ikea, and raising kids. There I am in another illusion. Do I want to be there?

The only illusion I truly sought after this day was in one of the houses where I walked in and saw the kitchen with a huge island looking out at both the great room and the dining room. It provided the lovely illusion of a place my family could come and visit comfortably. But would they? Could they?

Unease set in, and has not left me, though we are back home in the desert, my kids are coming to visit in a few days, and my art buds await. It looks like this monk is going to have to come back for a few more lifetimes. Enlightenment does not appear to be just around the corner.