Where is Mu?

Yesterday whirred by my car window as I drove from place to place. I learned how to use my computer to be the ultimate monk who talks to himself by making a voice CD, complete with background music, of anything I want to hear me or anyone else say: an exercise routine (my original goal), meditation timing, inspiration and affirmation. To this I can add Pearl Jam or the Carthusian Monks chanting, fading them in and out at will, layering the sound if I want. I was amused, to say the least, at the possible.

The day started at 5:30am; involuntary sleep ended it at 8:50pm. No mindful moment that I could recall in this day. I didn't see mu. The day was a spiritual void, though very productive by worldly standards. No regrets, just an observation. Oh....... there's mu!

Efforts and Priorities

Getting ready to fly home after a hectic but satisfying visit with kids and grandkids. Gratitude abounds for the merciful weather and our very commodious rental house. Sweetest moment: chicken soup lovingly prepared for us with dietary needs in mind.

I am continuing to ponder keeping my efforts in line with my priorities. One of Roshi's first talks always echoes in my mind- "Do not work for your [busy, chaotic] brain; with discipline, your brain works for you.

It is a struggle to stay out of reactive mode when surrounded by busy-ness. What are my priorities? Nurture a resilient biology (1), maintain a spiritual center (2), so I can give energy to family relationships (3), and participate as it is possible in my immediate community (4).

When we arrive home we face a big new set of demands on our time, a parent with dementia. We must analyze how we are spending our time in light of our priorities, and will possibly have to set a few precedents as a consequence, such as hiring assistance. Also for me, more discipline about mindfulness. It's that or drugs, and I'm still choosing awareness over the drugs whenever it is possible.

Where is mu? I am swimming in it.

Just Leaves

Much more mu today: a very slow haircut, mindless work done mindfully at the retreat center (filing, etc.), a sunny drive with a friend to bring our other friend (recovering from the flu) some Jewish mother chicken soup and an applesauce cake.

Mu moment: clearing leaves from under the orange tree by hand. I noticed everything from crisp green leaves to wispy skeletons. No poetry, no interpretations, no similes or metaphors, just leaves. This is hard work for me.

Wherever You Go, There You Are

(Post title borrowed from a book by Jon Kabat-Zin)

Two subjects: My upcoming visit to a new church, and my recent purges.

I can't wait to walk into a new church this Sunday with a new set of expectations. Then I will find out if the assortment of phonies, bigots, consumer Christians, and the offensive "Jesus Show" was really, after all, me. The target is mu. There is no difference between me and the target, and it will be through mastery of my own movement that I will create relationship with the Divine in a community setting. I am not skilled at this.

The Zen books are in paper bags at the doorway waiting a convenient trip down to the Zendo. I have read and assimilated them, and now they are an obstacle to my practice. I have not given up listening to the Chicago Zen Center, where the teacher is very articulate (Is this the "Zen Show?"). BUT, that is the extent of my current intellectual wanking with Zen.

I tried to tell Roshi about my recent in vitro enlightenments, but it was too late. The moments had passed. I could not recount them adequately, though he did acknowledge that I had seen the one side of mu- emptiness. So what the hell is the other side??

This weekend Jada (my long-time art bud and teacher) will come with her truck and strong back to divest me of much of my pottery crap, moving it to a new art center in which she is teaching. This will hurt, but it must be done.

Wherever I go, there will be a new, lighter (emptier) me. And this intention MUST be accompanied by action, because thoughts of whether and how to do this have themselves become burdensome.

Calling All Angels

I am experiencing a brilliant demonstration of how our cognitive lives are an aurora borealis of illusions.

I was listening to "Calling All Angels" when I first looked out of the airplane window two nights ago at 4:30 am. After several hours of flying over Pacific water, on a dark and very starry night, I looked up and was thrilled by the sudden appearance of spectacular lights- San Francisco. It was an epiphany moment. Listening to the song again today, I am right back in that moment.

I experienced in the very same instant, these things: First, I saw the glow of lights in purposeful patterns surrounding the San Francisco Bay- the roads, the buildings, the pinnacle of human intellect manifested in this magnificent city, its technology, infrastructure, and functionality. Second, I imagined, because of the variety of structures from which those lights eminated, that below the lights, every manner of human experience was being lived right down close to the earth. Third, I saw, because of my distance above, the huge energy manifestation, drawing its glow from deep inside the earth, the clock ticking unto the day when this city will go dark again.

I lingered without judgement in this simultaneous elation and sadness until I realized that the demise of glowing cities is not tragic, but an eventuality in the sequence of cause and effect. Different than offhanded or intellecutally spoken words, it was a profound, experiential realization.

I turned my mind to God, realizing that we are not created to live forever, as individuals or as a species. Does this seem trite? Every previous moment in which I have had this thought seems trite, but this moment was not.

"Calling All Angels" http://www.andiesisle.com/Calling_All_Angels.html

Shooting at Buddha

This week Yukari enlightened me greatly on the subject of mu. Mu, like most Japanese words, suffers in translation for lack of cultural context in Western language. However, my sits with mu have cracked the door a bit, and Yukari opened it a little wider this week.

I watched Yukari perform her black belt Kyudo (archery) forms. She evidenced the inward focus of mindful action. Later she told me that the target of Kyudo is mu. In other words, the target does not exist as an entity in the discipline. The target is nothing!

AHA!!! That puts the entire event in the body and mind of the archer. The target is not separate from the action. The archer practices the physical act of shooting the arrow with so much mindfulness, that eventually the arrow and the target become one, not through an intentional action which has an object, but through minutely subtle experience with the bow and arrow with the result that the arrow enters the target.

After 30+/- years, I finally get the whole idea presented in the book, ZEN IN THE ART OF ARCHERY. My appreciation of mu is expanded. Cannot wait to tell Roshi about this. Chao-chou says "mu" to the monk who is still shooting at Buddha as if at a target.

Crystal Clear

Spinner dolphins splashing around and playing in a beautiful Hawaiian bay. Awesome enough, but then...snorkeling in deep crystal clear water, I find myself suddenly swimming with a school of yellow fish. And then, when I thought it not possible to be more amazed, I look up and there glides before me a huge, graceful honu. It is flying, yes flying, just as I am in the water. I follow it until I cannot without going out to sea.

There is no saying mu to this. Better to say nothing.